May–didn’t miss a single workday
Below is one of my tweets from the last day of May:
Yea! I have not missed a day of work in the past 31 days.Before, I missed 2 or more days each month.Mood more stable; anxiety less.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) May 31, 2012
Source: thisisnthappiness.com via Claudia on Pinterest
Unfortunately, the following day, Friday, the depression snuck up on me. See the next couple of tweets:
In case you didn’t notice from my tweets, I’m excited about the Space Shuttle Explorer arriving in Houston.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
Today, a good friend and co-worker is retiring from the agency I work for.I’m happy for her, but I am also sad.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
Anticipating my friend’s retirement party is making me anxious.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
The mixture of excitement, sadness, and anxiety is a bit overwhelming.I’m having trouble concentrating on work.I better get back to work
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
Add frustration and anger to the earlier emotions.This morning, I accidentally cut in front of a car in my blind spot. I felt bad after that
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
The car I pulled in front of went road rage.They past me and cut in front of me.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
They must have thought I pulled in front of them on purpose.I started feeling bad after that.Still do.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
I wish the people in the other car understood it wasn’t on purpose….
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
I’m going to skip the retirement party/luncheon. Going to lunch by myself and call my husband. I’m too overwhelmed right now to go to party
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
My workday ends at 6PM, so I have 5 hours left to go home.Sounds painful. So, does that mean 5 hours of misery?Feels like it.
— Claudia (@claudiapath) June 1, 2012
After all that rambling, I had three tweet friends tweet encouragement and advice, but I still felt bad. Even though I felt depressed and numb, I did make it through the day. Thank you, God. As I work on this post, I still feel the depression. It’s no fun. I realize I still have some work to do dealing with my issues. When I get emotional, I tend to want to suppress the emotions. And it doesn’t seem to matter if they are positive or negative. I think the supression of the emotions is what gets me depressed. Although I realize that now, while I am feeling the emotions I just want them to go away, so I find an outlet by mindlessly surfing the internet or social media. Which is not good, because I am not dealing with what is making me feel so overwelmed. And the next time I feel overwelmed I will do the same thing because I have not come up with an alternative to deal with the overwelmed feeling. I am going to make it my mission in the next couple of days to find an alternative and practice this alternative so that when I do get overwelmed I will be prepared. My hope is that by following this strategy, I can maintain the work attendance I was so excited about the day before the depression. Any suggetions on what I can do when I feel overwelmed? You can write what you come up with as a comment below.
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Source: awesomelyawake.com via Claudia on Pinterest
June 2nd, 2012 at 7:53 AM
I am alive and doing well.
Does that count as a six word Saturday entry? LOL
June 2nd, 2012 at 10:42 AM
I like that one. That counts!
June 2nd, 2012 at 2:50 PM
Hi Claudia, I hope today finds a better day. I have to share with you; I believe our world gets so caught up in the idea that all depressed feelings are a bad and should be treated, this to me is what is nuts. I also think its spun by Big Pharma. Create drugs, find illness to meet requirements. Sell drugs.
I have a believe that our emotions are supposed to be there, not stifled. Of course if and when it goes on for days we’re talking different animal. I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread from I don’t know where. I looked at it, addressed it to make sure I was not missing something, then just let it be. I did not let myself suck into it, but I also did not push the thought and energy away. I just acknowledged it.
I am in no way talking clinicall depression or more. I mean no disrespect. Just that I think passing moods are part of how we process life, and it has a whole lot to do with being able to absorb the things that we have a harder time reconciling with.
Processing takes effort and takes emotion. Its funny, we never ever give being happy a second thought!
June 2nd, 2012 at 4:29 PM
Thanks for the feedback. Suppressing those normal feelings is my problem. I need to work on being comfortable with the normal feelings. When I suppress them with TV or excessive computer use I only make myself depressed.
June 2nd, 2012 at 9:21 PM
I write it out. It has to come out, so finding a healthy outlet is the answer.
It’s my choice to share what I write, but I write.
McGuffy’s Reader
http://www.mcguffysreader.blogspot.com
June 2nd, 2012 at 9:26 PM
Reading through my post today, I realized that I did do the right thing by tweeting what was going on. I’m guessing that using the social media to write about what is bothering me is productive and it’s okay. I guess the mindless surfing of the internet would not be producting, but writing/typing on a blog or microblog (like twitter) is okay. Thanks for your feedback.
June 5th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
I find comfort in the fact that God is never surprised or astonished at the things that happen to me. I am comforted by the truth that He has provided for every contingency in my life. I am aware – often belatedly – that the difficulties I experience are God’s way to make me more like Him. God is absolutely trustworthy: even the difficulties He sends my way are blessings – I often don’t know the specific purpose, or even the outcome of difficulties, but the result is my sanctification – which gives Him honor. The biggest issue in dealing with difficulties is not how I feel, but how I respond.
The apostle Paul says that the reason for our difficulties, as least in part, is to comfort others who are having difficulties as well (II Cor). We encourage each other by understanding and listening, and encouraging our friends to trust the Lord.
Our greatest example: Jesus was beset by difficulties throughout His earthly life, culminating in the loss of everything He had – including His life. His loss brought honor to the Father and produced the Christian Church – billions upon billions of people who follow and honor God through out history – as a result of Jesus’ loss.
June 5th, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Rick, awesome comment. Thank you!