Just-A-Quote #36

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”

– Carrie Fisher

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Just-A-Quote #21

“You who are suffering and read this, turn your attention to the way you think, not to your feelings. Come to terms with your attitude, and your feelings will look after themselves.”

–Dr. Claire Weekes

Breathe

Lately, I’ve started feeling the beginnings of my anxiety and depression acting up. Hadn’t felt this way in several weeks. I still feel down, anxious, and out of sorts right now, but I know it’ll pass. And, eventually, I figure out what triggered it and can prevent a future one from a similar trigger. Anyway, this experience has reminded me of a pin I pinned on Pinterest. I found the sign below a couple of months ago on the internet. It was created by the Lonely Lotus and the words are by Danielle Koepke. I think it has been one of my most popular pins. It’s been repinned more than 500 times. Since I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life, Danielle’s words mean a lot to me. However, I didn’t realize how much the words meant to others. Hope you find it meaningful.

I’m planning to post more of my favorite Pinterest pins. Maybe I can make it a monthly or weekly blogging habit. I really do need to get back to blogging here, but life has been very busy with family, school, work, and a knee injury. To see more anxiety related pins you can go to my anxiety Pinterest board by clicking HERE .

Scatterbrained – 6WS

Lately, I’m feeling calmer, but scatterbrained.

Normally propelled by my anxiety, my

current calm perplexes me and has

me stuck in a changing state

of mind.  I guess my mind

is being open to something new.

When I think of scatterbrained, I think of Dr. Walter Bishop from the Fringe TV show. He’s extremely intelligent, but he is often all over the place.  But those frequent scatters of his mind often lead his team and the viewer to some profound truths.  Although I doubt I’m as intelligent, I am feeling the intense scatterbrain, poor focus part.  I have felt this before several years ago and eventually got back on track again.  The difference this time is that my anxiety symptoms have decreased drastically in the past couple of months.  However, I feel a bit lost without the extra push of motivation that the anxiety seemed to give.  Then again, my past excessive anxiety is not something I want to come back to.  The little poem above is something I came up with to express the confusion and frustration I’m feeling.  Anyway, from experience with a similar scatterbrain state in the past, I find that it usually signals something that needs attention or resolving that I have been avoiding.  I’m not quite sure what that is right now, but I have the feeling something’s opening up, and someone is trying to tell me something.  God does work in mysterious ways.

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Inspired by

A Currently Popular Song

I’ve decided to do a music challenge I discovered at MindLovesMisery blog. It’s a 30 day music challenge. I’m not planning to do it in 30 days or in order. I find it’s easier and more fun to just post as I hear a song that fits any of the prompts and create a list under each post showing the prompts I’ve completed.

Here’s another song for the challenge. I just discovered this song this week.  Trying to find a current and popular song I like, I looked under the most popular songs on iTunes.  I thought this song was perfect for my anxiety issues.  And the official video is perfect, too.  The lyrics are below the video.  I hope you enjoy the song and video as much as I did. By the way, there may be an ad at the beginning of the video, but it’s a brief 10 to 20 seconds.

Day 28: A current and popular song you like–

Brave by Sara Bareilles

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“Brave”

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

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What I have so far:

Day 3: One of Your Favorite Songs – The Gift by Glen Hansard – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-23o

Day 6: A song that Inspires: Marching On by One Republic – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-1Vc

Day 7: A song that helped you through a painful time in your life – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-27j

Day 9: A Song That Makes You Emotional or Sad: The Scientist by Coldplay – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-24x

Day 10: A Song with Exceptional Lyrics: Better by Toby Lightman – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-21A

Day 11: Your Favorite Duet – Lucky by Colbie Calliat and Jason Mraz – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-25n

Day 12: A Mind-Tripping Song – The Great Beyond by R.E.M. – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-23C

Day 13: A Song You Listen to When Feeling Rebellious – Ready, Steady, Go by Oakenfold – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-22y

Day 14: A Song That Cheers You Up: Ms. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-1ZE

Day 19: A Song You Like That is Outside Your Choice Genre: The World by Brad Paisley – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-26t

Day 25: A Song From a Movie Soundtrack: Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds – http://wp.me/p1RGKQ-1WN

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Wave – Haiku My Heart

as she nears, she fears;
a curl of energy falls –
a wave, nears then leaves…

surf art by Nathan Ledyard

Waves remind me of my tendency to curl up and retreat when I begin getting close to people.  I am working on not running away from making friends, but it’s not easy.  My reflex is to retreat.  I approach and then eventually I fall back just like a wave.  But, then again, like a wave, I try approaching again.

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Gratefully inspired by

Haiku My Heart at Recuerda Mi Corazon

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Stuck in Obsession

“…to repeat monotonously some common word, until the sound, by dint of frequent repetition, ceased to convey any idea whatever to the mind…”
–Edgar Allen Poe

Earlier this year, I took the photo above while looking out a window waiting for a class to start. You can see the reflection of my shoes on the lower right corner. I thought of this photo when I saw Ese’s prompt for this week. I played around with the photo on my phone’s Snapseed app to make it black and white and give it a confused feeling. It reminds me of feeling stuck and obsessed within one’s thoughts and hesitating to act. And I think the quote from the Edgar Allen Poe poem also gives some description of this feeling. The times when I have felt both anxious and depressed, I also become obsessive. When I become depressed my concentration seems to diminish, and my thoughts seem to go into a swirling loop. Like the photo above shows, I’ll stare and obsess over my options and worries instead of walking down the path and taking action. Sometimes I’m able to distract, think, or pray myself out of it. But sometimes it’s too overwhelming to snap out of it, and those times I’m stuck until this altered state passes. The depression, anxiety, and obsessiveness eventually pass, but together they literally create a useless or meaningless feeling of having a wall, or window, between me and motion.

————

Gratefully inspired by

Ese’s Weekly Shoot & Quote Challenge

This week’s prompt – Obsession

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Blue Skies – Haiku My Heart

longing for the clouds,
she stares at the bare blue skies,
heart beats quick, searching…

Yes, I agree, blue skies are beautiful, but I prefer the clouds for some reason.  Why is that?  I dwelt on that thought for a while and this other thought came up.  Blue skies remind me of the agoraphobia I use to experience when my panic disorder was at its worse.  I preferred sitting or standing close to a door or exit for fear of having a panic attack and feeling confused, out of control, and frozen in fear not knowing exactly how to escape or find comfort around me.  That rarely happens anymore, but the wide blue space in the sky, without the comfort of the clouds reminds me of that feeling of being in an open crowded space and not having a way to escape or find comfort and feeling a state of panic.  Today, I’m able to be in a crowded open space and it doesn’t bother me too much.  Similarly, the blue sky doesn’t really bother me, and I can appreciate it, but I still remember the missing clouds.

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Inspired by

Haiku My Heart at Recuerda Mi Corazon

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Lonliness

“They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars—on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.”
― Robert Frost

I took this picture when my husband and I were driving to the Grand Canyon from Las Vegas during our honeymoon. I remembered it when I read the Robert Frost quote above, so I searched in my box of old photos and scanned it. The quote, I found when I searched for loniliness quotes on Goodreads. I thought is was perfect to express my experience with lonliness. My lonliness seems to often follow a bout of anxiety or depression that leads me to isolate myself. The isolation initially feels comforting compared to the frightful feeling I get when I’m severely anxious or depressed and around people outside of my husband and son. So to me being alone can, like a desert, be both beautiful and sad. In case you’re worried, lately, this severe anxiety/depression only seems to come along once a month during PMS. So, the isolation and lonliness doesn’t last very long. Before, it seemed more frequent. I guess the years of faith, experience, medications, and therapy have helped.

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Inspired by

Ese’s Weekly Shoot & Quote Challenge

This week’s prompt – Lonliness

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Feeling Fear

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
–Nelson Mandela

I took the above photo yesterday while waiting for a class to start. Since I started graduate school in 2010, I’ve had to feel fear many times in classrooms like the one above. The fear has gradually decreased in intensity over time. I owe the decrease to facing the feared presentation, discussion, assignment, or exam despite the fear. And I’ve learned that the fear may never completely go away, but I must go on and do what I have to do despite the fearful feeling. My history of panic disorder and social anxiety has made accepting that lesson very difficult, but as time goes on it’s becoming easier to accept.  Using Mr. Mandela’s words, I guess I’ve had to muster up a little courage and bravery to get through school.

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Inspired by

Ese’s Weekly Shoot & Quote Challenge

This week’s prompt – Feel

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Haiku Heights – Squeeze

gripped by despair, she
turns to the greatest wisdom —
squeezes back with love

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Inspired by the theme at

Haiku Heights – Crescendo

 

chatter crescendos,
her courage decrescendos–
ear buds to the ears…

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I felt very much down this past Saturday. Looking back, I can see why. I came very close to having a panic attack Saturday morning while I waited for my son to get out of his swim class.  It was his second session.  The first session last Saturday went great for him and I calmly read while I waited.  But this week turned out different.  I was sitting calmly reading and suddenly there were at least three different conversations going on in the same waiting room. The cacophony of voices touched a bundle of nerves in me.  And I started getting anxious and confused.  Reaching for my ear buds and the music in my iPod was the best way to sooth my nerves

Somehow, I thought anything close to a panic attack was gone from my life before this incident.  I really should know better than that by now.  I guess I forgot that this happens with anxiety. It tends to rear its ugly head when I least expect it, but I’ll be okay.  It’s not the end of the world. It has happened before.  The only reason I felt so sad and upset is because I’ve made so much progress in the past months with my anxiety.  I’ll get a little nervous here and there, but I haven’t felt the trapped, confused feeling in a long time.  All I needed was some rest, quiet time, and to remind myself to remember to breath, relax, and have faith that it’ll be alright.  Good thing it was the weekend.  I’m a sensitive, caring person that sometimes gets anxious, but not as frequently as before. There, writing it down makes me feel better about the anxiety episode.  Now, before this next Saturday swim class, I need to remember…

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“Accept all strange sensations connected with your illness. Do not fight them. Float past them. Recognize that they are temporary.”
–Claire Weekes, Hope & Help For Your Nerves

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Inspired by the theme at