longing for the clouds,
she stares at the bare blue skies,
heart beats quick, searching…
Yes, I agree, blue skies are beautiful, but I prefer the clouds for some reason. Why is that? I dwelt on that thought for a while and this other thought came up. Blue skies remind me of the agoraphobia I use to experience when my panic disorder was at its worse. I preferred sitting or standing close to a door or exit for fear of having a panic attack and feeling confused, out of control, and frozen in fear not knowing exactly how to escape or find comfort around me. That rarely happens anymore, but the wide blue space in the sky, without the comfort of the clouds reminds me of that feeling of being in an open crowded space and not having a way to escape or find comfort and feeling a state of panic. Today, I’m able to be in a crowded open space and it doesn’t bother me too much. Similarly, the blue sky doesn’t really bother me, and I can appreciate it, but I still remember the missing clouds.